You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
