Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
