This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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