I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize