My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
