I feel great
I just peed on a car
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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