he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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