i already hear my dad disowning me
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
