Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
