I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
