you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You're like the curious george of whores
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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