let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
