I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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