So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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