i was rollin on her like bob the builder
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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