I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
