Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
try to milk me bitch
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