C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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