Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
