I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
