Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
