Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
