I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize