I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
