Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
