I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
