Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize