so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
