If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm just crazy horny about you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
