I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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