Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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