so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
