I can tuck mytits in my pants
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
