you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
