i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
