I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
