i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
