Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
