ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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