as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Are we still banned from the library?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
