you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
