His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
