Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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