Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
