naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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