Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
