Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
