he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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