How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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