Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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