She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
