we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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