my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
