I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
