I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
