Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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