you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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