Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
