i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
