just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
