just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
