last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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