I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
