she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
