he shaved USA in his pubs
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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