Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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