things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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