So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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